his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
