i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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