we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
