he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
