i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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