OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Who died my cat blue again?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
