matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
