It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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