I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
