Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize