Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
