So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
