y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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