and you said cock pushups were impossible
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
