Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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