I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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