oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
