so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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