Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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