I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
