i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
