how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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