i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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