Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
