Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
