I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
