Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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