I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
