Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
