She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
