I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
