She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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