Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
