the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize