Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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