do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
