I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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