I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
