it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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