and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
