the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
