i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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