I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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