She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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