yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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