come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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