Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
