So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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