Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
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