I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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