I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
