Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
