Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
