why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
