Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
