Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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