i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
