he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
