no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
