I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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