guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
