He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
