Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
