He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I need to calm my uterus...
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