i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
